No, this isn’t a post about an epic love triangle – although I wish. That would probably be easier. You know what, maybe we should just go with that…
Me, my heart, and my brain. The seemingly never-ending battle for control.
happiness. heart. and the continuing battle for… well, me.
Everything in my heart says to be happy. My heart longs for it. My heart urges all fibers of my being to acknowledge all of the blessings I have in my life. My friends, my family, the friends who have became family, my health, my house, the list goes on. I should be happy. That’s often been feedback I have received. “Why are you depressed? Look around you everything is perfect!”
Thanks. I mean really truly what a wonderful insight I never would have had without you! Truly, thanks…
Wrong.. as they say, the heart wants what it wants. But the Rolling Stones said it best with, you can’t always get what you want. Dammit. I wish they were wrong but if we start doubting lyrics to songs now where would we be as a society? We would truly be living in utter chaos.
It does not matter who you are, what you have, or who you know. Depression can affect anyone, at anytime, with any severity. I do lived a blessed life, but does that mean that my suffering is not real?
despair. darkness. and my brains evil plots for my eventual demise.
In announcer voice: IN THIS CORNER, WE HAVE THE ONE THE ONLY, THE BRAIIIIIN.
okay that was silly, but even typing that I couldn’t have done it without the brain, so I figured I should let its true self shine through a little bit.
I like to think of my brain like a boy. You know how often men refer to their genitalia with names, personalities, and so on.. Well I choose a similar method in order to separate myself from my brain. I choose for my brain to be a man, because despite my hardest efforts it rarely listens to me. I repeat over and over again simple instructions for it to obey, and it almost always does it its own way – much like a man, lol.
Thats a joke, well not really, but I do believe there are men out there who listen, obey, and follow through, my brain is just not one of them.
But truly, so often I find myself pulling my hair and screaming at myself, in my own head, to stop, thats it, JUST STOP! But even if I get the brain to listen for a little while I always find myself trying to sneak a hair pull or two.
My brain is one sneaky son of a bitch.
The Grand Prize
Plain and simple, that is it, me. My brain would argue, is she even worth it? My heart urges that I am. Let us hope the heart never fails to overcome the brain, for I have come to believe that this prize is worth its weight in gold. or rubies, or diamonds, I dont know whatever is the most valuable i guess.
When dark thoughts of ending it all begin to creep over me and sometimes even submerge my entire self into a state of paralysis, my heart pulls through. I am here. I am alive. I am a fighter. I don’t care how tired I get, I don’t care if it only continues to get harder from here. I do not care. I will keep fighting. For I am a prize. I am a prize that anyone would be lucky to win, and in this show the bad guy isn’t going to win. Better luck next time brain, for this girls heart is always going to be the champion.