imagine having something so debilitatingly convincing that it literally causes your entire body to want to murder itself.
yeah, that’s right I said murder. for all you office fans out there doesn’t that make you think of dwight schrute? after all that’s what they why they call it murder, not muckduck…. R is the of the most menacing of sounds right?
R… r… ra… roo. rii…re..: very menacing indeed. depREssion.
Depression is of the most menacing of diseases after all. My mind often tells me that it’s time to end it all. My mind often tells me all of my flaws. my mind frequently reminds me that my flaws, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day will be my ultimate demise. I live everyday challenging my mind. I begin each day exhausted. Can you imagine that every day waking up to find yourself more tired than the last.
When we try to tell someone what depression is, it’s common that you can feel like something’s getting lost in translation. To you it may seem like they’ll just never understand, and to them it may seem like it just doesn’t make sense. The reason it’s tough to share your experience of depression with someone is because it feels like you’re sharing a deep part of yourself. And not the part of yourself you’re proud of. It’s the part that you don’t like, the part that you don’t want the world to see.
Of all of my flaws, my depression is the hardest.
Its my greatest weakness, sometimes it feels like its so large its my only one. Its my biggest secret and my worst enemy. It makes me doubt every great thing that comes into my life, and makes me focus on all the bad.
I could sit here and try to explain the feelings of my depression, but unfortunately I do not think it is humanly possible to express or communicate the feelings that accompany my depression. For someone to truly understand the feelings depression brings, would require a reference or personal experience, which is the last thing I would wish on anyone.
“Sadness is more or less like a head cold – with patience, it passes. Depression is like cancer.”Barbara Kingsolver
What I have come to realize with my struggles with depression, is that it doesn’t just affect me and my therapist. Depression affects more than the sufferer, but their friends, their loved ones, and everyone around them… That encapsulates the importance of depression needing to be understood, managed, and processed by everyone.
What I am trying to say in this post is that it is vitally important for any depressed individual to have a non-depressive who understands what is happening, and how they can effectively help cope with it.